So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
