Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
