You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
