my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
