its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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