I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The best revenge is premature balding
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
