none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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