Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize