The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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