the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
