When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
