I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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