I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
