Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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