i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
