Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
