I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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