OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
