My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
