you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
