just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
