hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
