Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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