i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
