ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
