I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
