Cold hands, warm shart.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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