12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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