At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
