I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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