I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
