I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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