I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
