So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
