Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
