Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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