Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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