he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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