what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
