The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My vagina just recognized that song.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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