sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
