last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize