see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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