Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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