Sponge bath it is.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize