So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you would pick up someone in the library
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
