it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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