We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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