I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
