I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
