i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
