Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
