his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
