We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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