Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
