Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
