Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize