Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
