shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
