saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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