And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
