my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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