I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
