I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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