Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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