a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
