Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
