So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
