She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize