You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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