No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im holly from the hills drunk
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
