I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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