Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
