Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
