So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
