its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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