Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize