I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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