i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
