can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize