dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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