with your own penis?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We had to coat check the pizza.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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