He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
