Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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