addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
