That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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