He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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