I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
