Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
