I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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