could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize