She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
