I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dick very happy bro
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
