I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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