I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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