Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
