I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
