i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
