Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
