That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize