I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
