Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
