yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
