woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
