I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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