I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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